T-Bone has come through in the pinch. I give much thanks. Million Dollar Weekend!

Note: I misspelled Thomas’ name in the credits. Sorry T-bone, it was late and I was tired.

Most people in the world treat ice like T.N.T.
Taint Nothin’ To it.
But here in Austin, a little ice shuts the whole mutha’ down.

Mac came out to Austin to help start up the reactor core for 2007. Good news, we both lived to tell the tale. There’s lots in the “production pipeline” for ‘07…which will be referred to as the Year of the Living Dead. But I digress. Here is some yummy new Quintron and Miss Pussycat footage. Here is a video that Seib sent me. Don’t forget to check in on Dante. Go see Children of Men. Go. Go on. I mean it.

I wonder if Muybridge knew what his photographs would lead to. That’s all I could think about while watching 300. Watching Gerry Butler cut through his enemies in a fluid, slow motion, tracking shot makes the whole persistence of vision thing worth while.

Butt-Numb 8 started with a screening of Black Snake Moan which finds Justin Timberlake shaking the shit out of his mother and yelling “I LOVE YOU,” Sam Jackson howlin’ the blues, and Christina Ricci chained to a bed instead of her image as a dough-faced goth girl. I didn’t see that much of it, but it looks interesting enough to check out. Black Snake was followed by movies I had no time to watch ’cause I was prepping, cooking, and serving the food the capacity crowd was eating. Dream Girls, Inherit the Wind, and a 70’s softcore cartoon.

But, I did see parts of Rocky 6. If you have any doubts, let me tell you that this movie is about Rocky. Every classic element is beaten until it becomes a horse. Then it is beaten again so that the old saying can be applied. R6 has everything! The old age jokes, the training sequences, the early morning jogging, the slow motion shots of Talia Shire praying Rocky doesn’t die in the ring. And the final fight … never before have so many head shots been landed in Boxing Cinema History! And never before has a movie looked more like a Gatorade commercial.

You know, some people have called Rocky an imbecile, a man-child. If you think that, shame on you! He takes all those face hits to wear down his opponent, bro-siff. Duh! He’s like a Weeble. He might wobble, and he may momentarily fall down, but he’ll get back up GODDAMIT! He’s Rocky. Each punch Rocky threw was a TKO on my attention span. Wow. It was too much fun. I left the theater smiling and laughing.

Then Seth Rogan was in the lobby drinking a beer. I couldn’t help but go in for another Celebrity Ass Kiss. At least he and Patton aren’t People Magazine type stars. They’re funny. Both in person and on screen. Seth asked me how Rocky was and I said (in Eddie Murphy voice) “I don’t wanna spoil it, but Rocky wins this one too. You know what I like about Rocky movies is the Realism…” He laughed, tipped his beer and I went back to work. His new movie with Judd Apatow and Paul Rudd is called Knocked Up. It’s about a regular guy who gets a woman he has a one night stand with pregnant. If it taught me one lesson it would be to never get pink eye. Knocked Up opens in June. Did I mention that it is funny? Really funny? Hilarious?

I had to leave the theater during Paul Verhoven’s newest, Black Book. I really wished I’d stayed and watched cause it looks like a return to form. You are not allowed to make Showgirls jokes. The first reel was the real deal.

After passing out for an hour I went back to the Alamo to catch Smokin’ Aces, starring everybody. It’s by Joe Carnahan, the happy lad behind Narc. This is what happens when Domino has a one night stand with Snatch, gets pregnant and has True Romance as a baby. It may “borrow” from every crime/gangster/hi-tech action film ever made, but Aces has Jeremy Piven. I’m not linking his name cause you should know by now that Piven is badder than Powers Boothe on a power trip. If you don’t know Powers Boothe, google him, watch The Jonestown Tragedy, Phillip Marlowe Private Eye, Red Dawn, Frailty, all 3 seasons of Deadwood, then come back and read the rest of the post. I digress. Enough of Smokin’ Aces, it will be exploding everywhere around you when it opens on January 26th.

Butt-Numb-A-Thon ended on 300. Zach Snyder was on hand to field questions and pepper his gory epic with comedic hindsite. If that doesn’t make any sense it’s cause I’m tired as shit. Which brings me back to bed.

Thanks to all the higher up Powers that Be for letting me hang out in the back of the theater and enjoy the spoils of BNAT8. Good night. No, wait … I’ve gotta be to work in a half hour. See you at the Alamo.

Syriana screenplay [PDF]
The Mellow Farmers’ Censorship Watch
movie fonts
double feature finder
HOWTO make fake glass
make easily at home
Blender
Modelong Charing

Raise up Bitches…It’s the b-day of baby Jesus! In case you didn’t know he has special magical powers. And since we are all Jesus it’s all of our birthdays, so lets give each other a bunch of crap. If I weren’t in Texas I’d give Doug a cigar, John his documentary, and Mac this doll. Please, for the love of God, somebody out there (Santa if’in your reading this…and I know you are) get this for Mac. A Merry XXX-Mas to all and to all…and to all lots of booze.

Well it’s the weekend after Thanksgiving, which means I forgot to wish South Fork a happy birthday. It was just a mere 365 ago that Mac said to me, “Get a camera and come over to my house tomorrow at 2 … we’re making a movie.” I rode over to his place with 301’s resident camera (aka Lance’s XL-1). As we drove through Hillsborough and the countryside surrounding Chapel Hill, Mac waxed poetic on several issues, ranging from cable television to God not wanting “bums” stinking up the world. It was also on this weekend that Mac introduced us to a “bobcat hybrid cheeta-thing.” Cameron was “deader than shit,” and Dave and Maggie were on hand to provide support. Ah … I wish I could post the picture of Bowser, Ma-Winter’s dog, posing with Santa.

Enough self-masturbation and reflection. On with the new. Oh yeah, happy birthday, Ol’ Boy.

Shortly after its theatrical release, a friend of mine brought over a bootlegged copy of The Passion of the Christ. It was poorly shot and the compression was terrible, the combination of which gave it the feel of a Hammer movie from the seventies. I suppose that was the only thing that transformed this grotesque rape of The Christian Myth (for Mel Gibson’s fun and profit) into the funniest bootlegged movie I’ve ever seen. In any case, I thought our loyal readers–of which there are approximately five–might enjoy this post from Boing Boing:
Hilarious Passion of the Christ poster in Japan.

Related hilarity: Kill Christ [.mov]

Australian Hammer Posters
TomCruiseIsNuts.com
Don’t Call Me Crazy On The 4th of July
10 Sec Film Fest
Morgan Freeman moves closer to goal of becoming president in time for the apocalypse
Apollo Pony
The Golden Age of Italian Horror Cinema
Lake Woebegone … where some of the actors are above average.

Or as Christian folk might call it, “The Chicken Drop”.

Chicken Shit Bingo

Ginny’s Little Longhorn Saloon

Also by Rachel Meyrick: Bike Kill 2004